Joe's Garage - Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention

Joe's Garage

A boring old garage in a residential area with a teenage band rehearsing in it. Joe, the main character in the Central Scrutinizer's special presentation, sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage band husbandry.

(Central Scrutinizer:)

"We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park."

(Frank Zappa:)

"It makes it's own sauce"

(Joe:)

It wasn't very large

There was just enough room to cram the drums in the corner over by the Dodge

It was a fifty four with a mashed up door and a cheesy little lamp

With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"; and a second hand guitar

It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

At this point, Larry, a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O,  joins in the song

(Larry:)

We could jam in Joe's garage

His mama was screamin', his dad was mad

We was playin' the same old song in the afternoon

And sometimes we would play it all night long

It was all we knew and easy too so we wouldn't get it wrong

All we did was bend the string like

Hey, down in Joe's garage, we didn't have no dope or L. S. D.

But a coupla quartsa beer would fix it so the intonation would not offend your ear

And the same old chords goin' over and over became a symphony

We would play it again and again and again 'cause it sounded good to me

"One more time", we could jam in Joe's garage

His mama was screamin', "Turn it down";

We was playing' the same old song in the afternoon

And sometimes we would play it all night long

It was all we knew and easy too so we wouldn't get it wrong
 Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together and we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye from the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over and dance around like...

Twenty teenage girls dash in and go stomp-clap, stomp-clap-clap

So we picked out à stupid name, had some cards printed up for a couple of bucks
And we was on our way to fame, got matching suits
And Beatle boots and a sign on the back of the car
And we was ready to work in a go-go bar

"One, two, three, four, let's see if you got some more"

People seemed to like our song
They got up and danced and made a lotta noise
And it wasn't before very long,
A guy from a company we can't name said we oughta take his pen
And sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when these good times would be somethin'
That was really happenin' so the band broke up
And it looks like we will never play again

(Joe:)
Guess you only get one chance in life to play a song that goes like
And, as the band plays their little song,

Mrs. Borg, who keeps her son, SY, in the closet with the vacuum cleaner, screams out the window

(Mrs. Borg:)
"Turn it down, turn it down, I have children sleeping here"
"Don't you, boys, know any nice songs?"

(Joe:)
(Speculating on the future)
Well, the years was rollin' by
Heavy Metal and Glitter Rock had caught the public eye
Snotty boys with lipstick on was really flyin' high
And then they got that Disco thing and New Wave came along
And all of a sudden I thought the time had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's garage"
And if I am not wrong, you will soon be dancin to

(Central Scrutinizer:)
The white zone is for loading and unloading only.
If you gotta load or unload, go to the white zone.
You'll love it

(Joe:)
Well, the years was rollin' by
Heavy Metal and Glitter Rock had caught the public eye
Snotty boys with lipstick on was really flyin' high
And then they got that Disco thing and New Wave came along
And all of a sudden I thought the time had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's garage"
And if I am not wrong, you will soon be dancin to

(Mrs. Borg:)
"I'm calling the police"
"There, I did it, they'll be here shortly"

(Officer Butzie:)
This is the police, we have the garage surrounded
If you come out with your hands up, we guarantee you won't be harmed or hurt, neither

SWAT team, 4, move in